breaking up...

okay.. today was umm very interesting. last nght i had "the talk" with my parents about leon. and i think they were a little more comfortable well maybe not i think they just understoof me better. so anyways. so i went tobed at 12:04 last night. yeah i know thats weird thatiknow the exact time.. its just something i do.. but yeah. k then this morning i woke up at 8 and read diary of an anorexic girl till 9:30. then i read my bible.. which i haven't done in awhile..but i came accross this thing where it said that u need to be in love with God first before a boy. and i just thought hmmm.... theni came accross soo many things about putting ur relationship with God first than a boy and i was like.. i know what i have to do.. i have to break up with leon. my mom came into my room and was like okay grace.. im gunna tell u my last opinion on ur relationship with leon.. so she made her point about that im too young and w/e. and i sat there sobbing.. she didn't know that tho.. then i guess she noticed i wasn't talking, so she was like are u okay and i just collapsed into her arms and she held me and just let me cry. and i exlpained what had happened while reading my bible so yeah, then she said well how are u gunna break up with him.. i was so scared i didn't say anything for awhile. finally my mom said that she would drove me over to lynn and tonys house this afternoon so i could talk to him. so i phoned steph and broke down and told her wat was up i was soo upset. and she said she would cum with me.. not like be there right beside me but cum into the house with me. so my plan wen i called leon was that i needed to talk to him and steph was bored so she was gunna cum..so then i phoned katleynn and she said she would sit in the car with my mom while i did.. well.. wat i needed to do . so then i called leon back cause he called earlier. so i prayed to God that i wouldn't start sobbing wen i called leon and that he would give me strength and to help me to know wat to say. so then i called him and i told him i was gunna cum over at 2. so then my mom picke up katelynn and then steph came over and we played dutch blitz.. but i was too paraniod to do anything. then it was 1:45 and we left.. nobody spoke in the car.. we just listned to the radio. i was praying the entire way there and i just felt this calmness, which lasted until i got into leon's house and noticed tyler was there too. me and steph sat down on the couch and leon was just going around the house and then he sat in a chair and i was like steph i need to talk to u, so i pulled her into the kitchen and i was like i dunno wat im gunna do and steph calmly said im gunna go get leon.. i was like fine. so shes like leon, grace wants to talk to u. so he came into the kitchen and he's like maybe we should go into the basement.i was like yeah.. so we sat on the couch facing eachother. and we were silent.. there was a nervous laugh.. i was like okay... wat am i gunna say first.. then leon said .. u know i know wat ur gunna say, u may as well just say it. so i told him wat happened and he said he was expecting this sooner and i was like ohh. so then he asked me questions like wat my parents thought and i said my dad doesn't know but my moms kinda relieved i gues.. and then he asked me if this was the end of the relationship and i said... well i don't know.. for now we need to be friends. but if God wants us to be together.. he will make it happen..just at the right time. so then i asked him if he was okay and he said yeah.. then he said that i better goif my moms here.. and i said okay.. then just as i was walking out of the baske ment he hugged me and said the if i need to talk or anything to just call and i said i will. soo yeah, that was my whole breaking up experience and yeah, there were tears and pain but im strong and i know that God can help me through this. i feel sooooo much better. i can be a kid again, i can be myself and yeahh.. so ne, steph and katie got ice cream and then came home and played dutch blitz for real and now im sitting here with steph and katie's reading a book of mine. but yeah.. all in all i feel good and im glad i did it. and i have God to thank for helping me be strong.