Wednesday, November 21, 2007

well la ti da...

ha im very bored right now.. but im having a bit of a problem so i think i should tell you guys.. i dunno...
well it has to do with food. i know that im not fat okay, lol unless you guys think so. i hope you don't! lol anyways. so my problem lately has definatly been over eating. its not that im eating bad foods.. although i do that too much too! but i eat as soon as i get a tinnny bit hungry. i am gaining some weight and i really don't want to gain any weight.. cause then my pants don't fit..lol but anyways, ive really been struggling with this. God has called me to fast to help show me that i need to put him over food and that he can get me through the days without eating. can you guys please pray for me?? thanks...

Monday, November 19, 2007

whats new?

i figured that i should update because a few people have come up to me and asked me how my slump has been going... haha.. well that "slump"only lasted that one night. after that i felt fine. i think i was just tired and stressed as most of us are at the end of the week. anyways, so to let you all know, i did pass my drivers exam. i only got 6 points off this time, not 38.. lol but driving has been so much fun. its so weird not having my mom in the passenger seat saying ohh kay thats a stop sign..haha.
this past weekend was very fun since i barely had any homework. on Friday I went to worship at 6:00 for youth and then we did our thing and it was much fun. and then after that i went home and did my piano practice and then steph came over and we talked on my couch for like 10 minutes and then kent calls and is like guys wanna do something? and we were so bored so we all went to pizza hut and said hi to leon and then went to Alexander's and ate some delicious nachos.. i am definatly going there again! so then steph came back to my house and we had a sleepover and we slept in like there was no tomorrow..haha and yeah then Saturday i can't really remember much of what happened.. i think... oh yeah i did homework and then i went to leons and watched a movie and then went to bed at like 10:00 ahah and then Sunday my lovely katleynn was baptized!! man am i ever proud of you! and then i got to go out for a fancy lunch at the bessborough.. leon paid for that one and can i tell you that i felt like the most biggest princess ever? haha it was so much fun and then i went home and watched the last bit of the football game with my mom and yeah that was my weekend...i love weekends....
xoxoxxoxoxox

Friday, November 09, 2007

im in a slumppp...


wow i don't even know how to tell you how im feeling right now. i dunno, im not necesarilly depressed but im not happy. i don't feel like going to youth tonight at all, i feel like crawling into my bed and sleeping. on the other hand, going out to a movie with a friend sounds appealing. i don't want to talk to anyone, i just want to be with people. i want to know whats going to make me happy. now all i feel like doing is stuffing my face with pizza and gulping down a diet coke. i feel so tired right now and grumpy and i don't want to snap at anyone at youth. but i want to go to youth so i can get out of my stupid house cause ive been here all day. hmm well i guess ill come to youth. i don't really have an option other than going to bed or watching a movie by myself which i don't want to do. hmm.. guess ill have to take some words from the wize and "suck it up princess.."

i didn't even see it....


last night i was sitting and talking with leon. he was telling me about a whole bunch of stuff that was happening with him. then we just sat there and he asked me if i was okay. and i said no for some reason. he asked why and i said i have no clue. then he asked me about what was happening in my life.

then it hit me...

it felt like a ton of bricks were squishing me and i couldn't breathe and i was trapped and i could see this little light in the distance but i could never reach it. i would try to reach for it but more and more bricks kept trapping me...

i realized that i had gone through so much in the past few months. i didn't realize that i had been okay until now, it just sorta hit me when i stopped to think about it. its weird how that happens, you don't actually realize what you've been through until you stop. thats my problem, i never stop andi never think. i just go and do.. and keep going. but now i realize that that is going to hurt me in the end if i don't realize whats happening in my own life. im too caught up with whats happening around me and what im going to miss.

leon told me that whats happening is like this: im walking along a path, and i have a backpack. in the backpack are lots of stones, they are other peoples problems. and the keep filling up my backpack. soon my backpack is full of stones, it doesn't overflow but it is so heavy that i fall down. all the stones fall out of the backpack and i just sit on the ground. people pass by me with their half full backpacks and just stare and move on. Then my friends come around and they fill their backpacks with some of my stones so that when they help me up my backpack is a lot less heavy.

lately it seems like so many of my friends are having problems from abusive situations all the way to boy troubles. i guess i felt like i needed to be the strong one and i realized that im not the strong one. God is the strong one. i think that now that i now this i need to give God all these problems because he is the only one who can help me. God is my rock.