work

So today was my first shift at DQ. it was so much fun but an unbelievable amount of work. i worked an eight hour so im pretty tired. today wasnt too bad but my head feels like its going to explode with all the different information.. i learned about working the till to how to make blizzards and banana splits. but everyone was super nice to me and i think im really going to enjoy working there. plus its nice to know a lot of the people already, half of the people who work there go to my school. but i was basically on my feet the whole time. i really enjoy making all the different kinds of ice cream but you know the DQ swirl? (the little swirly thinger on top of your cone....) is so hard to do. i must have made over 100 things and it took me like such a long time to get the swirl right. lol no kidding. but anyways im tired so im going to bed. talk to you all later. school tomorrow.... yay.....

random thoughts...

So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10:31

so im feeling a bit alone right now. the whole day i have been feeling His presence off and on. One minute i feel like God is sitting right next to me, and then the next its like hes on the other side of the world. I know there is a battle for my heart. God wants me to follow him and be his child. His pathway might look difficult with twists and turns but at the end there are golden gates to his kingdom. The other path is well worn and appealing but at the end there is nothing, just emptiness. I have to decide which of these paths I will take. It seems that i have to make this decision daily.
I know that Gods path is the only one i want to travel. He is the one that actually cares about me. I am valuable to him. He is the one that will love me forever. He is enough for me. This is something ive been having to learn lately. Ever since i broke up with leon, ive had some flings with guys and the last one just ended. When i was little i always told myself that guys were stupid and I didnt need them. but now that im finally done with stupid and pointless relationships, I feel lonely at times because im used to looking forward to that phone call at night before i go to bed, or the hug randomly at school. But i realized that there is still something to look forward to. My father, God. I can go to bed tonight and feel his love surround me like the sheets in my bed. I look forward to talking to him until i fall asleep. (its better with God cause i dont have to use a phone that i could forget to hang up).
I know i went boy crazy for awhile. i dont like that. but God has forgiven me and im learning to forgive myself. and other people. All i want to focus on now is getting myself closer to Him. I want to let myself go and let him run all parts of my life, including my social life. I always fight to keep a tiny part of my life to myself but i realized that thats not going to work. I cant do this on my own. i cant be a control freek.
God is truely amazing. Thats all i can say.

just feeling like it....

well there arent many days when i actually feel like blogging... unfortunatly... but today i just want to, no reason at all. nothing really interesting is happening in my world so im not gunna lie, this post will probably be random and boring. well lets start off with my weekend. well its 5:00 on Saturday so i guess its not over.... anyways. i know that last night most of u were at Sams and i wish i was too i just never knew about it cause i wasnt on my computer at all yesterday.. well until midnight. but yeah so i went to Caitlin Scotts house and hing out with some buddies from SRC and then we went to Boston Pizza for supper.. i split nachos with Caitlin and Ben and had a chicken thai salad.. yummmmy! but i realized what a great deal nachos at Alexanders is. There like 9 bucks, they taste wayyy better and you get this huge over flowing plate of them. anywho, after that me, Caitlin, and our friends Dustin, Ryan, Joey and Matthew came over to Caitlins and they taught us how to play halo. haha wow.. im usually very opposed to these types of games but i acutally loved it.. although the boys mainly used my guy for target practice because i kept going out in the open. after halo we watched some tv and listened to Dustin sing on rockband.. haha. it was awesome. Matthew has a one month old daughter who is just adorable and i held her for a lot of the time. shes so tiny! and yeah then i went home at midnight and that concluded the 12 hour SRC marathon.. ahah it was a blast though.

After this im going to have to start the bio project i was supposed to be working on the whole break, but im procrastinating as usual. im doing it on creationism verses evolution. its a difficult argument to research on but its really interesting to see where both sides are coming from.... anyways..... i shall stop procarstinating more......... ohh facebook!

getting better

okay so its been a few days. lifes getting better. well its still hard but whatever. im going to be okay. i realize that God definatly had a role in this. Like i thought for sure it would be me breaking up with him. But I know that I don't have the heart to do that so I probably wouldve been stuck in a pointless relationship if he hadn't done it. but moving on...
so this week has been good. theres always ups and downs but i have been getting in some nice relaxation time and stuff. so yeah oh and i saw step up 2 last night with my friend Aly and oh my word! it was soooo good!!! i love it. anyways.. oh and today i baked chocolate chip banana muffins.. yummmmyyyy.. but i should go for now.. just wanted to let you all know that im okay!!!

breaking up

so joey phoned me not that long ago and he broke up with me.

normally you see this coming in a relationship, i didn't.

he told me he didnt have time for me and it "wasn't" me it was him.

he told me that he like being single, but if he ever had a girlfriend

i was perfect.

i guess i wasnt perfect enough.

i know God did not want me in this relationship because he tugged at my heart. other people wer constantly worried about me in a relationship with a non christian. i know this is what God wants me to do.

even though we went out for just under a month, i really liked him. a lot. and it hurts when someone you care about suddenly drops you and your heart shatters. it sucks. i don't really know what else to say. i dont want people to feel sorry for me. i got myself into this one and i guess joey got me out of it. but yeah. ill be fine. im just going to keep telling myself that.

valentines day xoxo

so today is valentines day. sometimes its a good day for people, sometimes its a bad day. to tell you the truth i do not remember valentines day last year. well today was kinda just like any other day for me. i would have done something special with joey but he left today for regina for a hockey tournament for four days. he had only and hour to spend with me after school till he had to be home. we were going to try to go have lunch where he works (avacados on 8th street) but obviously an hour isnt enough time to do just that. so we went to DQ accross the street from school and had a romantic date and he bought me a blizzard. okay so it wasnt so romantic but he did sit next to me after i stupidly ordered a blizzard in -50 weather and i started to shake (and having little "katelynn" seizures). then we had a romantic drive back to his house with my brother in the back seat talking to him about tires and cars and racing cars. i stopped following the convorsation after they said drag racing. oh well. i personally think valentines day is over rated and im not being bitter because i didn't do anything particularly special. its a "hallmark" holiday.
what i think valentines day is, is a day to celebrate true love. not boyfriend girlfriend highschool love, because you never know when that can end. but the only true love we have. the love of Jesus. Seriously, I know most of you hear this all the time but God loves us so much. There is nothing like his unconditional love. sometimes we take this love for granted. ok maybe we take it for granted a lot. i know i do. but when you think about it, its like having to give up your son, or your daughter, a loved one, a sibling or a friend and watching them die and suffer in one of the most painful ways possible. honestly i don't think there is one person who can handle that. only God has that much strength and love for us. He loves us so much that he put something so perfect and so remarkable on a cross to be torured for us sinners who really don't deserve it. that kind of love will never be matched. not by any boyfriends or girlfriends, or even our parents. nothing can match the love of God.
on a happier note. im pumped for tomorrow at youth and i can't wait to see you guys! and to eat chocolate. i shall see you guys later. love you all!
happy valentine's day.
xoxox

whats been happening...

well not much.. lol the past few weeks have been a blur really. with school starting, friends, boyfriends, piano, homework.... life is busy. but i have been managing to stay close with God which is reasuring. life seems to be going really well. im really happy and i love all my friends and i love God. everything seems to be just the best its every been. but part of me is fearful...
sometimes i think that this feeling isnt going to last and im just waiting for the day that something is going to go wrong.. like this weekend. i haven't felt so hopeless in a long time. my parents were constantly talking to me about my life (and i don't blame them), i was grounded on Saturday, and everything seemed to be crumbling around me. when this happens i usually go to God and ask him to help me get through it. and i did, but sometimes its nice to have someone to physically talk to (aka a friend). When things are going bad i turn to one person usually.. leon. as most of u know, hes been gone since last week and will be gone for 6 weeks or something up north. i know that leon and i have had our fights and whatnot and i knew that i needed a break from seeing him and stuff. but as soon as he left, i needed him.. and thats the first time he hasn't been there. i got this pain in my cheast like when we broke up and i realized how upset i was that my best friend was gone. i felt lonely. i guess its just weird not having him around cause hes always around. hes always there ready to answer my phone calls when im sobbing on the other end telling him how life sucks..(it doesn't tho..lol) well i guess u never know what you have until its gone..