long post

hi guys. hope fully this post will be long, or longer than the ones that i usually write, not Katelynn long tho..lol yeah i feel like all i write on my blog is wat i do in the day but not exactly how i feel. i guess i don't exactly want people to know my opininions cause im afraid that it will be alot different from wat they think, although there is that chance that they have the same opinion as you. well today im home sick with a cold. i've gotton sick a lot lately, probably caught it from someone at school or from my family. my daddy was really sick the last two days and still is. i have no clue wats wrong with him. its worse than the flu but kinda like it. hopefully none of you will get sick from me so thats part of the reason i stayed home, except i tried to go back at lunch, made it thru drivers ed.. yay... and then felt really sick and felt like my head was going to explode. so then i went home. when my mom was driving me home she was telling me how ever since i started going out with leon i haven't tried as hard with my piano and theory. im not going to deny this because lately i haven't had any motivation to play piano, or study for my theory exam. i know i'll do good, becasue i always make it through. i was one of the nerdy kids in elementry school (maybeim still a nerd) that freeked out before a test even though i studied hard and new i was going to get in the 90's. everything just came so easily to me, school, band... now that i have got into that pattern of things coming easily to me, when im given a challenge i don't try as hard as i can cause i know that i could just wing it and do a good job. and now its starting to eat away at me because after i do a good job on something like a piano performance or something, i feel this pang of guilt and this voice tells me, grace you didn't do ur best, yes ur performance was good but it could have been even better. even if other people don't notice, you will. and a few days ago my gramma called and was like im so proud of you gracie and your such a determined young women. i know that most grammas say that to their grand kids, but i couldn't help but feel guilty again. things like that make me want to try harder but i feel lazy like y would i want to try hard. and leon doesn't exactly contribute to me feeling like i can't try hard.. the way i see it sometimes is that y would i do my piano or do a good job when i could just hang out with leon or go on the computer. well, i guess theres a lot for me to think about. hmm wats some more stuff thats happening. well i was really worried about katelynn for a bit there. still worried but not as much.. oh my little erin (wait she's taller than me!) is growing up so fast. already off to arizona
for raquetball. i hope you do good hunni and ill by praying for you! and steph is amazing at sewing. lol i am not. yeahh.. but i got to go now
ttyl